I am lucky enough to officiate
several hundred weddings a year. The bride and groom are always glowing with
happiness; their families and friends are there to support them and share their
joy; and the bride chooses a perfectly suitable and elegant gown.
Seeing so many people dressed
beautifully and appropriately reminded me of the many weddings I've attended
where many were not. I am often shocked
to see how many guests and even the wedding party (mostly ladies) that are not
following the rules for attire for a wedding and/ or a rehearsal. I wanted to help you all with a refresher for
those who may need it.
ONE: do not wear a dress, skirt or shorts that are more than
two finger widths above your knee if attending a church ceremony. I often see ladies that wear dresses that
would be appropriate for an outdoor wedding or rehearsal, but certainly not for
a church. Hear me out.
If you are in a wedding party or attending a rehearsal in a church, a
good rule of thumb is to dress yourself in
what you would wear to attend a Sunday service in that church.
TWO: do not wear black unless requested to. I can hear
somebody whining that she only has one nice dress, and it NEEDS to be black
because she has to wear it or black is slimming. I am not listening to you. You
do not wear black to weddings. A
Minister wears black, often the groom wears black, but you do not wear black to
a wedding. Traditionally if you wear
black at a wedding, it means you disapprove of the marriage.
THREE: do not wear red. Wearing red is an attention-grabber, and
it is rude to try to take attention from the bride. (A corollary of the
"do not wear red" rule is "do not wear dresses cut down to (or
slit up to) THERE".) Wear
something that you know the couple that invited you there would be proud of.
FOUR: do I even have to tell you not to wear white? And
yes, ivory, candlelight, pale shell pink, and pearl grey all count as white.
Better safe than sorry. If you have to ask why you can't wear white, you are no
longer allowed to attend any weddings at all. If you are the mother of the
groom and you wear white or a whitish shade, you will not be allowed to ask
"why? why?" when the newlyweds move someplace you need a visa to
visit. ;)
FIVE: if you are wearing a dress with spaghetti straps or no
straps at all, or one that is far enough off the shoulder to need special
undergarments, AND the ceremony is in a place of worship, please bring a shawl,
a wrap, or something to cover up with.
Yes, I know that God doesn't care,
but churches are usually cold (it's all the stone) and goosebumps are
unbecoming.
The general idea is that a wedding
is NOT simply a fancy party to which you wear your fancy-party clothes; a
wedding is a wedding, and it has its own rules. (However — if you are a
bridesmaid, and the bride asks you to break any of these rules, you suck it up
and say "yes, whatever you like,
it's your day." Without eye-rolling where she can see you.)
Now, I can hear that same somebody
asking, "Well, what CAN I wear?" Weddings, especially summer
afternoon weddings, are the place to wear dresses. A simple sheath in a bright
color or print is nearly always flattering, appropriate, and pretty. An A-line
or full-skirted dress will be a pleasure to wear while dancing. Summer weddings are one of the last places
where a frivolously pretty dress is recommended, if not required — why ruin it
by crowding out the dresses with sparkly cocktail gowns and business suits?
They have their own turf.
So Eat, Drink and be Merry!
Danielle
M Baker
Minister
and Officiant
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