Article by Lisa G. McMillan and Emily McCollin
March 2011 Article Ask the Wedding Pros! Solutions to Sticky Situations
Where do I seat my divorced parents during the ceremony and at dinner during the reception?
Lisa: Creating a harmonious atmosphere at your wedding requires genuine thought and an astute sense of awareness of the well wishers who’ll celebrate with you on your big day. If your parents are not amenable to being seated elbow to elbow during your event, try this approach to keep tempers at bay.
Discuss candidly with your parents early in the planning process where they would prefer to be seated. I know, easier said than done, but someone has to make the first move. Such a conversation has the potential to make you feel uncomfortable and have you ready to run for the door, leaving you only to deal with the matter at a later date. Tackle this head on with an open mind just as you did when choosing your gown.
Sit your mother on the aisle seat of the first row and your father on the aisle seat of the second row during the ceremony. Assign someone to position “reserved” table markers along with place cards to indicate your parents’ seating assignment. Mom and Dad will take pleasure in dining at separate tables closely flanked by the table you and your groom will be sitting at while enjoying the rest of the festivities.
Emily: Lisa offers great advice. Sometimes going by the book is the best way to alleviate tension. It can also be a nice gesture to seat your mother’s parents with her and your father’s parents with him. This fills up the rows and makes the separations less conspicuous which can make everyone feel more comfortable. If the divorced parents are at ease with sitting together on the front row, go for it with the following suggested order: mom closest to the aisle, mom’s spouse, dad’s spouse, dad. Grandparents may then be seated in the second row.
I’ve invited a friend from work to my wedding; however, she is planning to attend the event with an uninvited guest. How should I handle this sticky situation?
Emily: This situation raises all sorts of issues. It is certainly inappropriate for your friend to invite a guest if her invitation did not include “and guest.” You would be justified in graciously explaining to her that space is limited and you are unable to accommodate her guest. However, when this happens to my clients, I often encourage them to allow the guest, if at all possible. The invited friend will often feel offended by not being allowed to bring her escort or friend which could potentially create longterm issues for your own relationship. Plus this kind of conversation is normally very stressful. Is this really something you want to deal with while planning your wedding?
Lisa: All guests receiving invitations to your wedding should carefully read how the envelope is addressed in an effort to determine who specifically should attend. Here’s a clue, does the invitation include your name “and guest” or your name “plus one”? If circumstances warrant you having to speak with your co-worker, kindly explain your rationale for only inviting them and in most cases this settles the issue.
Family, friends, and even strangers are constantly giving me advice on how to plan my wedding. Whose suggestions should I consider?
Lisa: Everyone comes out of the woodwork to give ideas, tips, and traditions shared through their experiences. Be that as it may, it can cause overload and a sudden trip to the funny farm. Be respectful, and listen to whoever parts their words of wisdom, but be selective in attempting every suggestion. Gracefully say “thank you” to each person providing the idea and move on. No one’s feelings are hurt and you keep your sanity. Just remember your wedding planner wears many hats and can provide you with valuable, professional, and objective advice.
Emily: Any woman (and a man or two) who has ever been married...or not...has an opinion about your wedding. The daily random advice giving, plus what can seem more like directives and less like opinions from those closest to you (think parents, best friend, fiancé) can be overwhelming. The most important thing to remember is that this wedding is yours and your fiancé’s. Whatever the two of you decide will be best for your day. From there, think about who is paying for the event. If your parents are paying, it is reasonable they would have some say about how their money is spent, particularly when it comes to staying on budget.
For the tough questions that bring turmoil because everyone has an opinion, it can be helpful to ask a professional. Your wedding planner, photographer, DJ, and other vendors can walk you through the guidelines of etiquette, how to make your guests most comfortable, and what will work best for the timing of your day. Just be gracious when others offer unsolicited advice. Consider what they are saying. You never know when someone might have an innovative idea for making your day unique, a new way to save money, or maybe even the ultimate secret to a happy marriage.
Wedding and Event Planners Emily McCollin of Occasions by Emily, and Lisa G. McMillan of Exquisite Events & Consulting have collaborated on many events and love to share their expertise with brides to help them create the weddings they envision.
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